Life during COVID-19 is surreal and feels like a sci-fi movie or bad dream. If you had asked anyone in January about their plans for 2020, it’s a safe bet that nobody would have mentioned planning to spend months at home, stocking up on food and sanitizing supplies, and fearing a virus.
Whatever our plans were for 2020, COVID-19 has interrupted life as we know it. Our plans and calendars have been turned upside down. We have lost our daily routines, jobs, connection with others, time with friends, days at school, graduations, proms, vacations, weddings, baby showers, income, time with loved ones, and most of all the feeling of safety.
Instead of life humming along, we see people on edge, stressed out, sad, angry, and feeling incredibly unsettled. There is a reason that all these feelings come up.
We have all lost something, even if just our “normal” lives.
Everyone around you is grieving, and we could all use a little extra grace.
Today we face an uncertain future and feel like we have just been knocked down by a wave and are waiting for a tsunami to hit… but we can’t move out of the way.
We move between feeling normal one minute and panicked the next, and sometimes both at once.
With all the hand washing, online schooling, working from home, and sanitizing, we keep ourselves too preoccupied to acknowledge the feelings of shock, fear, panic, denial, calm, sadness, frustration, anger, and more… sometimes all within a few moments. No wonder we feel so unsettled.
Grief is a funny thing. It doesn’t follow a clear path. You don’t get to move through each step and mark it complete.
As a career and transition coach, I have seen it thousands of times before. People laid off from jobs or in transition and they struggle to make sense of their emotions. They are puzzled and have a hard time understanding why one day they are fine, and the next day they can’t get out of bed. Often, I am the first person to mention the grief and let them know that it is okay, and even helpful, to allow themselves to grieve the loss.
We’ve even seen some of the stages of grief in the media, in ourselves, and among our friends and loved ones.
Shock and denial… paralysis, and disbelief. This isn’t that big of a deal, it won’t impact me/us. This will be over in a few weeks and life will be back to normal.
Anger…Why does a stupid virus have to impact my life? I want to go about my routine. Why does my soldier not get to come home now? I want to take my trip I planned months ago! How am I supposed to help my kids with school while I work… who has time!
Bargaining … so if I just hang out with a few friends, then we aren’t spreading stuff, right? I can go to the store if I just wear a mask. I need to go out, it’s “essential” for me to shop.
Sadness, depression… Overwhelming physical and emotional sadness, including physical aches, difficulty sleeping, loneliness, and a change in appetite. Thoughts including – How long will this last? Will I be okay? Will my loved ones be ok? Will I be able to go back to work? How long will it take to recover financially from this?
Acceptance… We are under a stay-at-home order, I better figure out how to order groceries online, and figure out a routine for our family through all of this.
As you work through the grief, you will come to acceptance, though you may still go back and feel anger, sadness, and a range of emotions.
Don’t dismiss your emotions or the emotions of those around you. You may reach acceptance long before others in your circle. It does not make their feelings any less valid because you have moved through them faster. You may find yourself feeling overwhelming sadness out of nowhere, and that is normal. Connect with loved ones, talk it out, keep a journal.
Acceptance allows you to have power over the situation. You can’t control a virus, but you can control how you respond. We have collectively lost our foundation. Everything feels uncertain and we look ahead to a very abstract future. So what choices can we make today?
How we choose to respond is a character test. Look around at leaders and businesses. How are they choosing to respond? Now is the time that we need to see people, businesses, and leaders at their best to give us hope for days ahead.
How you choose to respond is a statement of your character.
Fear or faith? Fear responses are fight, flight or freeze. None of those are likely to serve us well today. Choose faith, and move forward. We can’t predict the future, but we can control our response.
Choose gratitude… for those on the front lines, for teachers learning how to teach remotely, for the stillness, for the less filled calendar, for the moments of connection. Choose kindness… check-in on a neighbor (via phone), be patient with those around you. Choose action… start a journal, try meditation, call a friend, clean a closet, explore new recipes, take an online class, go for a walk. Choose grace…. take a nap, let go of expectations, save the project list for another day.
Grace can be defined as courteous goodwill.
When you can’t figure out the kids’ homework, give a little grace. When your online order doesn’t arrive on time, give a little grace. When somebody in your circle doesn’t seem to understand why they need to stay home, give a little grace, and respond with patience and goodwill.
When life moves back to normal, remember this time and decide what you want your normal to be. You might find gifts during these challenging times.
Thank you to those on the front lines, and those supporting them from home.
We are all in this together. Please, wash your hands. Stay home. Stay well. Give a little grace.
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